i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
