I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
