dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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