so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
