WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
