I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
