Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
