her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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