There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My breasts were aching with rage.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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