did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
