dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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