I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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