is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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