Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
