it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
please come you make the beer taste better
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
