Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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