Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
