I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
