We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
