I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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