Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
