Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize