There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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