We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize