you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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