Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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