Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
