that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
