Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
