i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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