Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
