My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry about my life...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
