Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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