I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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