There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize