i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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