Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
