I hope mine doesn't look like that
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize