I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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