I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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