my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't turn off my feet"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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