just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
