New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
