what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
