P.S. I can't hear my feet
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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