my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
