My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
