i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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