Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Life is so much better after having sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
this hospital has no fireball
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
