I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
