How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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