my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
