just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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