Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
