3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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