just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
