so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
