Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
