So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
