It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
