Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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