you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
