i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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