the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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