I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
